How and Why You Must Forgive Yourself, Completely

How and Why You Must Forgive Yourself, CompletelyMost of us have some corner where we cannot forgive ourselves. Our hearts ache for the choices made or denied, and we bury that ache beneath a blanket of guilt or high-minded justifications.

Resistance: The Secret Source of Stress

Resistance: The Secret Source of StressResistance not only creates physical stress but is also the determining factor in whether a person feels negative emotions. Experiencing anger, sadness, fear, guilt or grief is only possible if you resist something in your past, present or future.

How Compassion Can Triumph Over Toxic Childhood Trauma

How Compassion Can Triumph Over Toxic Childhood Trauma

In a piece on the television show 60 Minutes, Oprah Winfrey discussed childhood trauma — shining a public spotlight on the lasting effects of abuse and adversity in childhood. Oprah herself is a survivor of childhood abuse.

What Works For Me: Love Is All There Is

What Works For Me: Love Is All There IsYears ago, I knew someone who used to say "Love is all there is". This was his "mantra" and he repeated it often to whoever was willing to listen. At the time, I was in my twenties and his statement would aggravate me to no end. After all, how could he say that "love s all there is" when there were wars, famine, murders, crimes of all kinds, etc. etc.

Freedom from the Wounds of the Inner Child

A Wake For Your Inner Child
Our spiritual evolution depends heavily upon our recovery from our worst addiction -- our addiction to the victim archetype, which traps us in the past and saps our life energy.

Non-Acceptance Is A Choice We've Learned

Non-Acceptance Is A Choice We've Learned
"I like you, do you like me?"
Isn't that how children approach one another, with total openness and acceptance? They have this pure, inno­cent way of expressing themselves, and have a completely disarming attitude like, "Hey, I want you to be my friend."

5 Ways To Help Parents Cope With The Trauma Of Stillbirth

5 Ways To Help Parents Cope With The Trauma Of Stillbirth
There are at least 2.6 million stillbirths a year across the world. More than 2,000 families each year suffer the loss of a stillborn baby in Australia, equating to six stillborn babies every day.

How To Get Out of the Blame Game

How To Get Out of the Blame Game
Most of us think of blame as the melodramatic pointing of a long, crooked finger towards one who has done scandalous wrong. Yet we're actually into blame just about every waking moment of our days. From weather, to rude drivers, to toothpaste caps, we blame from sunup 'til sundown and never think a thing about it.

Why Do We Complain and What Is An Alternative?

Why Do We Complain and What Is An Alternative?
We don't always see what we're doing as complaining; in fact, we often think we're simply telling the truth about the world. What constitutes complaining? One dictionary defines it as, 'An expression of pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment.' I would add that it's a statement of...

The Pain of Rejection Brings a Gift

The Pain of Rejection Brings a Gift
Rejection can hurt. Perhaps a person can be rejected by a friend, partner, boss, sibling, parent, co-worker, someone you work out with at the gym, or even your grown child. Scientists are discovering that the hurt of rejection can be actually recorded within your body.

Four Steps to Radical Forgiveness

Four Steps to Radical ForgivenessThis process takes only a few moments but it is one that literally could save you from getting totally caught up in the drama of what is happening and going to 'Victimland' for an extended stay! Our tendency is to default to victim consciousness whenever our upset...

The Very Best New Year’s Start

The Very Best New Year’s StartThere are many wishes people make for family and friends at the start of a new year: for health and success, for love and prosperity, for success in their studies or any special endeavour, the list is very long. However, there is one I wish to make for all readers of this...

You Can Release Guilt and Cynicism and Lighten Up Your World

You Can Release Guilt and Cynicism and Lighten Up Your WorldCynicism seems to have a lot going for it in the modern world. I know that I didn’t give up cynicism until it utterly failed me as a means of self-protection. As I began to understand the psychological roots of my physical collapse, it became clear that my cynical, stressful attitudes toward life had delivered me into this catastrophic con­dition.

The Greatest Christmas Present Ever

The Greatest Christmas Present EverIn a variety of teachings, unconditional love is the heart and soul of the spiritual life and the ultimate aim of the spiritual path – and by love is meant love in action of course (be it meditation or feeding the hungry), not discourses about love.

Be (the) Present: It's The Best Gift There Is

Be (the) Present: It's The Best Gift There IsI have been “cleaning out my karma” for a few decades now. When I first started paying attention to the feelings of the moment, there was a collage of easy to detect feelings.

Holding a Grudge: Would You Rather Be Right or Be Happy?

Holding a Grudge: Would You Rather Be Right or Be Happy?Usually the events for which we hold grudges are long-time past, yet, deep in our heart is this little hard cold spot where the memory of that event, accompanied with anger and resentment, lives on as if it happened yesterday. That dark negative energy comes up at the strangest moments...

Reflections on Mom: From Pain to Gratitude and Forgiveness

Reflections on Mom: From Pain to Gratitude and Forgiveness
As I felt the benefits of forgiving my ex-husband Werner, I began to look at other grievances and judgments I was holding. Mom was at the top of my list. Could I find my way to forgive her, too? That would require me to mourn the losses of my childhood and let them go. Holding onto my resentment to Mom kept them in place.

Can We Ever Be ‘Too Much’?

Can We Ever Be ‘Too Much’?
One morning, all of us in the group revisited our childhoods to more closely examine those things that still have power over us. We did this in small groups of four persons and, when it was my turn, I revisited some physical violence from my parents. Ever eager to delve deeper, I discovered something I had never seen before.

Embracing The World: Being In The World Without Rejecting It

Embracing The World: Being In The World Without Rejecting It
The heart of Eastern wisdom teaches you to be naturally in the world without rejecting it. Many spiritual paths condemn and judge the world, as if they were enabling one to move beyond desires. But many fail to realize that they are desiring not to desire (a point that the Buddha understood).

Healing the Emotional and Energetic Body in the Heart Chakra

Healing the Emotional and Energetic Body in the Heart Chakra
Healing the emotional body in the fourth chakra is by far one of the most important things you can do for your health. With years of experience in Ayurvedic lifestyle counseling, I am convinced that heart health is directly linked to our emotional state.

It Is Time to Let Go of the Past

It Is Time to Let Go of the Past!
By choosing to let go of the past, we can sweep out all the ashes that weigh us down and subtly affect every aspect of our health, our relationships, and our peace of mind. And the more we practice the art of letting go of all negativity, the better able we...

How The Power Of A Hug Can Help You Cope With Conflict

How The Power Of A Hug Can Help You Cope With ConflictFriends, children, romantic partners, family members – many of us exchange hugs with others on a regular basis. New research from the United States, published today in PLOS, now shows hugs can help us to cope with conflict in our daily life.

What To Do When the Offender is Me

What To Do When the Offender is MeIn one of her video lectures, Carolyn Myss reminds each John or Jane Doe in her audience that just as he/she is working on the process of forgiving other people, any one of those 'other people' may be sitting in workshops, writing in journals, or consulting with a therapist, in that very moment, in order to forgive John or Jane Doe...

The True Meaning of Authenticity

The True Meaning of Authenticity
Each and every person comes into this life as a unique expression of Source consciousness. This means each person comes in with a unique essence, like an energetic signature. We come in with a unique purpose, along with unique thoughts, feelings, desires and needs. All this and our role within the greater universe is embedded in our essence.

Difficult Childhood Experiences Could Make Us Age Prematurely

Difficult Childhood Experiences Could Make Us Age Prematurely

We know that comparatively disadvantaged people, even in rich countries, have worse health and shorter life expectancy than others. But what is it exactly about socioeconomic disadvantage and other environmental difficulties that affects our biology? And at what age are we most vulnerable to these effects?

Do You Have a Right to be Upset? Are Resentments Justified?

Do You Have a Right to be Upset? Are Resentments Justified?
You hear people say this all the time: "I have a right to be upset because of the way I've been treated. I have a right to be angry, hurt, depressed, sad, and resentful." Learning to avoid this kind of thinking is one of my top ten secrets for living a life of inner peace, success, and happiness. 

Healing the Past... In the Present

Healing the Past... In the Present
Has this ever happened to you? Somebody says something to you that immediately triggers negativity within you. You don't have a clue why you are so upset and you wonder just where that feeling came from.

Practicing Self-Validation Is An Act Of Compassion

Practicing Self-Validation Is An Act Of Compassion
When you’re experiencing recurring unpleasant feelings or familiar unmet needs and self-defeating thoughts, are you generally kind and gen­tle with yourself? Do you unconditionally accept all of your emotions, sensations, needs, and thoughts? Do you give yourself the empathy, com­passion, warmth, and understanding you’d offer a close friend or family member?

How To Get Along With Difficult People

Is It Possible to Get Along With Difficult People?
There was a time in my life when if someone asked, Are you angry with me? I replied, No-o-o-o. Because I didn't like taking issue with a difficult situation involving a difficult person, we both missed an opportunity to grow together through the experience.

The Key to Life and Happiness in Four Words Only!

Allowing is the Key to Life and Happiness
ALLOWING IS THE KEY. That, in a nutshell, is what I learned is the key to life, to creating your own life. Those four seemingly simple words are the basis of the power we can harness in life to use for our benefit. It took me many years to...

Pondering Acceptance with Resistance or with Awe and Wonder

Pondering Acceptance with Resistance or with Awe and Wonder
Acceptance is a major theme of world religions. In modern life, however, acceptance is tension-filled and problematic. The urge to fix, change, and improve pops up at every turn. Reinhold Neibuhr summed up this tension in his Serenity Prayer, written in 1934: 'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...'

Learning to Live without Internal Contradictions

Overcoming Abuse, Guilt, and Self-Abuse
Many adults have a history of childhood abuse. As harmful as these early experiences can be to our psyche, an accompanying form of abuse frequently compounds them. This is the abuse we give ourselves. This form is even more widespread and affects most of us in one way or another.

The Divine Setup: Are You Attached to Your Perception?

The Divine Setup: Are You Attached to Your Perception?
Sometimes our perceptions can get us into trouble. What appears so clearly to be our reality may not be real at all. Or it may be partially correct, but not the whole picture. We humans have a tendency to interpret our partial experiences as the whole truth and ignore other people's partial experiences.

Nita’s Story: Discovering My Power Animal and Finding Forgiveness

Nita’s Story: Discovering Your Power Animal and Finding Forgiveness
The time came when my life was disrupted by soul longing for wholeness, manifesting as serious depression. Through grace, I found my way to a workshop on healing into wholeness. There I met Linda Star Wolf who taught us how to discover our power animal.

Spiritually Healing The Emotional After-Effects Of Abortion

Spiritually Healing The Emotional After-Effects Of Abortion
Susan, a woman in her fifties, came to one of my workshops and asked to work with the process called Healing Relations with the Unborn. She related the following story of an abortion she had undergone as a young woman, with lingering painful after-effects.

Learning To See Everything Differently

Learning To See Everything Differently
Is there anything going on in your life that just wears you out? A thankless job, a chronic illness, a troubled rela­tionship? Have you gone over and over this situation or circumstance without finding a solution or a way out?

How You Too Can Experience the Comfort of Forgiveness

A Healing Adventure: Experiencing the Comfort of Forgiveness
When the stock market plummeted in 2003 and I lost a third of my savings, I had a very hard time getting over the fact that I didn’t see it coming. Some young part of myself still believed I should be all powerful and all knowing. It’s a form of magical thinking many of us have developed...

How To (and Why) See Things from a Different Perspective

How To (and Why) See Things from a Different PerspectiveThose who recover the best from painful events are those who find something meaningful in the experience. The exercise below helps us see events and circumstances from a different perspective and find meaning in what otherwise might seem to be baffling or meaningless events.

Learn to Let Go of Painful Memories and Be Happy

Painful Memory: Let It Go & Be HappyPeople set themselves up for difficulties through their memories of pain. For instance, in the past, you or someone you know may have lost money, a job, a house, or a relationship. These issues, rife with fear and other negative emotions, establish a deep pattern in memory and...

I Am Truly Sorry for Causing You Pain

"I Am Truly Sorry for Causing You Pain"Forgiveness is radical. Both forgiving and asking for forgiveness go against deeply ingrained psychological and political truths. We fight against it. We reject its premises. We think we want to be -- or at least, want to appear to be -- blameless at all times. By forgiving another...

The Endless Circle Of Grace: Surrender, Acceptance and Peace

The Endless Circle Of Grace: Surrender, Acceptance and PeaceReoccurring demands and challenges can be particularly frustrating. Everyone knows what it feels like to go two steps forward and one step back. Your frustrations are actually the key to finding inner freedom. Each one requires surrender and acceptance.

How To Let Yourself Off the Hook Using Forgiveness

Forgive and Let Yourself Off the HookIf you think of forgiveness as “letting someone off the hook,” you believe that you are doing someone else a favor by forgiving them. After all, they are really guilty and deserve your judgment and condemnation.

Dealing With The Fear Of Disapproval And Other Challenges

Dealing With The Fear Of Disapproval And Other ChallengesMany people mistakenly think or fear that their choices and behavior will displease others and be the cause of another person's displeasure or unhappiness. It could be their partner, their parents, their children, their friends. The fear is that if you or I do what feels best to us – it might make someone else unhappy.

How To Free Ourselves By Forgiving Others

How To Free Ourselves By Forgiving OthersThere are few emotions as uncomfortable as resentment. An old say­ing sums it up well: "We drink the poison and then wait for the other person to die." Resenting others, we do poison ourselves. When our energy is spent on...

Don’t Take Anything Personally and Learn To Listen!

Don’t Take Anything Personally but Learn To Listen!Imagine for a moment all the things you say or don’t say, and all the things you do or don’t do in one day because of what others might say about you. If you wrote out a list, it might take a long time. Do you realize how much power you give to other people’s opinions? What if you could recover that power?

Can We Begin To Imagine A Politics Of Forgiveness?

Can We Begin To Imagine A Politics Of ForgivenessSome activists believe we must be constantly aggrieved to set right the injustices of the world—that good anger corrects bad anger. But an enlightened activism respectfully acknowl­edges all anger and sorrow while demonstrating the supe­rior strategy of mercy...

Can You Change the Effects of a Past Experience?

You Can Change the Effects of a Past ExperienceA past experience is stored in your memory like a video with a separate 'feelings' track, which releases these feelings whenever the memory-box is opened. This feelings track can be re-recorded, replacing the original. To do this, you simply go back to the time the event began and rerun...

Do Blame Attacks Include Criticism, Accusations and Humiliation?

The Wider Problem of Blame Attacks includes Criticism, Accusations, HumiliationBlame is a series of actions and reactions. They all work together to generate the Blame Syndrome. The three parts are: The Blame Attack (the initial criticism — no matter how minor); The Emotional Impact (negative feelings caused by being blamed); The Reactive Response (blame is fired back).

Creating A New And Positive Relationship To Suffering Will Help You Heal

Creating A New And Positive Relationship To Suffering Will Help You HealIf we don’t grow from suffering, we die from it. Suffering can tether a person to the darker side of life so strongly that it makes passion and the enjoyment of life almost impossible. When you’re drowning in the depths of suffering, creativity and your Soul’s expression are the last things on your mind.

Learning to Keep Our Heart Open Through Compassion and Forgiveness

Forgiveness: Learning to Keep Our Heart OpenI know some remarkable people, even some who are considered great human beings, but I have never known anyone whose heart is open all the time. Even the Dalai Lama speaks of anger arising and of saying things that, much to his chagrin, can never be taken back. Forgiveness of oneself and others is...

When Weird Becomes Wonderful

When Weird Becomes WonderfulPerhaps you have questioned or judged yourself for being too sensitive or not feeling at home in the mainstream. When I ask my seminar audiences, “How many of you believe or have been told that you’re weird?” Almost everyone raises their hand.

The Last Of Human Freedoms: Stop, Think, Send Love & Let It Go!

The Last Of Human Freedoms: Stop, Think, Send Love & Let It Go!Victor Frankl said, “It’s the last of all human freedoms, the ability to choose.” We can choose to look at whatever we want. So if we choose to hold bad thoughts about someone, simply release them and send love to the people who bother you...

Why I Wouldn't Change My Life After An Emotionally Abusive Childhood

Why I Wouldn't Change My Life After An Emotionally Abusive ChildhoodI’ve spent my life hiding my scars. I cope so well that no one, not even my husband knew the extent of what I deal with on a daily basis. Therapy has revealed my deepest hurts, brought them to the surface, and forced me to experience the pain I’ve been hiding so deeply in order to finally release it.

What Is It Like To Be You?

What Is It Like To Be You?
I have been asking myself deep questions about the next stages of my work and my life: how do I teach? How do I live? What, now, is my highest calling, my deepest contribution toward creating a peaceful, kind, compassionate, thriving world that supports and respects all life, human and non-human?

4 Ways To Make Gossip Less Toxic

The 4 Ways To Make Gossip It Less ToxicGossip gets a bad rap. There’s no doubt that the act of gossiping about someone can sometimes be damaging and negative.

Perceiving the Truth through Empathy, Not Prejudice

Perceiving the Truth through Empathy, Not PrejudiceAs a result of years spent trying to teach people to rewrite their prejudicial stories about themselves and others, I am keenly aware of how prejudice can spread. It can develop into embedded beliefs and cause inordinate amounts of stress.

Understanding The Limits Of Empathy?

Understanding The Limits Of Empathy?

Is it possible to run out of empathy? The ConversationThat’s the question many are asking in the wake of the U.S. presidential election.

Why Can't You Heal? Here's How To Heal Yourself

Why Can't You Heal? Here's How To Heal YourselfOften in my readings I was simply validating the suspicions, insights, or intuitions that they already had about themselves and the changes they needed to make in their lives. Sometimes these readings ignited an inner physical and spiritual healing process.

8 Strategies for Confronting Hate That Don’t Involve a Safety Pin

8 Strategies for Confronting Hate That Don’t Involve a Safety PinThere’s no denying it anymore: Hatred is erupting all over the United States, after having long simmered beneath the social surface. In the face of such upheaval, how can you prepare to protect those who are being threatened—to stand up for the worth and dignity of every person, even when it’s uncomfortable or scary?

The Critics in Your Head Are Not You -- or Your Partner

The Critics in Your Head Are Not You -- or Your Partner You have a constant stream of thoughts running through your mind, and we use the term “inner critics” to describe the thoughts that criticize you or tell you that you should be ashamed or feel guilty if you do what you want to do.

There Are Many Unsuspected Heroes Among Us

There Are Many Unsuspected Heroes Among UsIn 1960, I was fourteen years old and my mother was the first civil rights activist that I knew. She did not march the streets. She lived her beliefs. She had Blacks, Muslims, Gays and other minorities over to our house for dinner almost every Sunday.

In the Crossfire: Bilingual in Québec

In the Crossfire: Bilingual in Québec Throughout primary school, I became accustomed to being in the crossfire of two opposing camps. When a French friend would insult my English friend, I would raise my hand, step forward, and launch into my own variation of Martin Luther King Jr’s “I have a dream” speech...

Why There Is No Healing Without Grief

Why There Is No Healing Without GriefFor many women, people of color, LGBTQ people, Muslims and immigrants, the victory of Donald Trump seems to have endorsed discrimination against them.

Healing our World: One Individual, One Family, One Nation at a Time

Healing our World: One Individual, One Family, One Nation at a TimeWhat we’re being called to do as a species before we either destroy ourselves or most of life on our planet is to meet ourselves fully. We must have the courage to meet our own prejudices and encounter every single place within us that would rather resort to blame than to face the collective human pain body.

How Not To Be A Moral Hypocrite

Quick to point fingers? Gary PerkinA few years ago, I discovered that a friend was cheating on their partner. This immediately blackened my perception of my friend. Then I remembered that I had done something quite similar some years earlier.

How Social Media Can Damage Body Image

How Social Media Can Damage Body ImageSocial media is a wonderful way to connect with others, share experiences and opinions and express ideas. But it can have a dark side for body image, which requires a critical and thoughtful approach to counteract.

Let’s Talk about Guilt

Let’s Talk about GuiltGuilt is a difficult burden to carry around with you. And guilt perpet­uates what you are guilty about; how does it do that?  Guilt is a very negative, destructive energy. It is different from remorse, the feeling we get when we know we have done something wrong and we’re dreadfully sorry. In the case of remorse...

Discovering Peace by Undoing Our Judgments and Prejudices

Undoing Our Judgments and Prejudices: Discovering PeaceAs long as people are determined to cling to their preconceived opinions, mistaking them for Truth and refusing to consider dispassionately the positions of others, they can neither escape hostility nor arrive at blessedness.

Waking Up To The Compassionate Observer

Waking Up To The Compassionate ObserverReading this will help you to identify the two voices that make you human: your ego with its chatty, self-serving endless quirkiness, and what I’m calling the wise Observer that is patient, non-judgmen­tal and loving. While they appear to be completely different...

How to Safely Remove Your Husband’s Skull

How to Safely Remove Your Husband’s SkullI saw a documentary that introduced Jawara women who wear the bones of their dead husbands around their necks. In some cases, the widow totes the man’s skull. In our culture many of us also wear the skulls, bones, or remnants of dead husbands, lovers, family members, business partners, or  friends around our necks—not physically, but energetically. We hang past memories, resentments, and upsets...

Make Amends and Gift Yourself with Forgiveness

Make Amends and Gift Yourself with ForgivenessA friend told of a family situation that you may relate to. For many years, she’d been estranged from her sister, who now lived across the country. Growing up, they’d been very close, and my friend could hardly recall why they’d stopped talking. Year followed year, and my friend could never bring herself to call.

The Cost of Not Forgiving: Changing Our Minds Changes Our Bodies

The Cost of Not Forgiving: Changing Our Minds Changes Our BodiesThousands of case studies proved beyond any reasonable doubt that cancer can be cured by a change in one’s thinking! In the patients who were able to resolve the conflict through recognizing their innocence and mistaken self-blame and guilt, not only did the pattern in the scan resolve itself (disappear), but so did the cancer.

Forgiveness and Everyday Compassion Are A Gift

Forgiveness and Everyday Compassion Are A GiftIt’s necessary to be conscious of the way we store events in the body and how they create layers of similar emotions—grief with grief, joy with joy, anger with anger, and love with love. These layers are like the strata in rocks, building great cliffs of emotions that are touched each time another similar emotion is experienced.

Stop Hurting Yourself! Choose to Forgive

Stop Hurting Yourself! Choose to ForgiveEveryone has experienced an event that they’re sure was terrible. Then, when you think about it ten years later, you realize that if that hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t be here right now enjoying life. So how could that have been...

Is It Ever Too Late for Forgiveness or Gratitude?

Is It Ever Too Late for Forgiveness or Gratitude?The pain from the past that people experience often follows them to their deaths. I had been visiting Vince weekly for five months, and every week he began by telling me about his distaste for his brother, whom he hadn’t spoken to in twenty years. His animosity had to do with a...

Love and Forgiveness: The Antidotes to Fear and Blame

Love and Forgiveness: The Antidotes to Fear and BlameOne morning Rose began our session by saying it was time for me to take a very important journey. “It’s a journey we all must take within this lifetime. It’s the journey that takes us from being a child to becoming an adult. And what you need to make this journey are the powers of love and forgiveness.”

Shedding Light on The Ego’s Weapon of Guilt

Shedding Light on The Ego’s Weapon of GuiltWhen we cut through the smoke and mirrors of guilt, we can see that the thoughts and emotions that ignite guilt are all made up. When our self-awareness “muscles” strengthen, we find that we’re less apt to fall into the default pattern of simply reacting to the unconscious flow of our thoughts and emotions.

Moving From Rewards & Punishment to An Open Heart

Moving From Rewards & Punishment to An Open HeartLet's look at the system of reward and punishment as it is practiced among humans. We reward ourselves or others when we judge an action to be 'good'. We punish others or ourselves for something 'bad'. Yet who calls the shots on this? Who is the one qualified to judge?

Seven Doorways to Escape the Prison of Guilt

Seven Doorways to Escape the Prison of GuiltNearly every religion, family, and belief system plays on guilt to keep its adherents in line. Yet there are ways to escape from the prison of guilt. Here are the top seven, along with practical applications to become free.

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